Joyce Meyer Promotes the Thug Life in her New Book

Ask God: Do you hate amputees?

pegleg

Good question my child,

As you probably know, my existence is based entirely on faith. And I often get credit for healing people who were probably going to be fine anyway.

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Let’s keep it classy Joyce…God is watching…

Ask God: Can you roll a 7 on 6 sided die?

dice

Nigga please,

I once impregnated a bitch without touching her.

-GOD

Ask God: Where’s my sock?

sock holy libel

My son,

It appears that your mother found it. She’s not happy about it: Read your mother’s prayer

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Ask God: I found a cummy sock under my son’s bed, what should I do?

sock-ins
My Child,

I don't know why you think I have experience with this...

Ask God: What does your finger smell like?

god and adam
Thank you my child, for your smartass fucking question.

If you must know, then you can go ahead and ask Moses...

Ask God: My sister is dating someone who doesn’t believe in god. What will happen to them?

holy libel ring

 

First of all, capitalize my name.

God”…punk bitch, do you realize who you’re talking to?

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Ask God: Why don’t you answer my prayers?

Ask God: Will masturbation make me go to hell?

45Hand

Good question my son,

I’m sure you are not the only compulsive masturbater to wonder this.

Masturbation, in itself will not send you to Hell. However, if you masturbate too much, I will make you go blind. I’ve only had to enforce this on one occasion with this guy Isaac, but that dude was out of control.

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