Ask God: It’s Raining. What Should I do?


Ever heard the phrase “Save it for a rainy day?”

That was referring to masturbation.

Go for it. It’s a freebie.

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Ask God: Why Does Space Bend?


Well, if you had read my book, you’d know I created the universe… Here let me find the passage…

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Ask God: What’s Mrs. God’s name?


There is no Mrs. God. Women are icky.

That’s why I don’t even touch them when I need to fuck them…

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Ask God: If Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Watson are Women. What am I?


You are Kristen Stewart…

…and no, I cannot help your career.

Get a boob job or some talent. That’s how it works.

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Joyce Meyer Promotes the Thug Life in her New Book

Ask God: Do you hate amputees?


Good question my child,

As you probably know, my existence is based entirely on faith. And I often get credit for healing people who were probably going to be fine anyway.

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Let’s keep it classy Joyce…God is watching…

Ask God: Can you roll a 7 on 6 sided die?


Nigga please,

I once impregnated a bitch without touching her.


Ask God: Where’s my sock?

sock holy libel

My son,

It appears that your mother found it. She’s not happy about it: Read your mother’s prayer

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Ask God: I found a cummy sock under my son’s bed, what should I do?

My Child,

I don't know why you think I have experience with this...